Snog Marry Avoid?

17 March 2009

Presented by ex-Atomic Kitten Jenny Frost, the programme is described as "the world's first makeunder show", and sees POD - Personal Overhaul Device - "transform OTT girls and boys into natural beauties." After a successful first run last year, this second series has also added a celebrity dimension, and after Chantelle Houghton and Jodie Marsh in previous weeks, the third show put Aisleyne under POD's scrutiny.

Jenny began the segment in a department store among some display mannequins, as she introduced us to "a very feisty female" who she rightly predicted would "give POD as good as she gets". To leave us in no doubt who she was talking about, she then turned to one of the mannequins and said, "You better know yourself, little girl" before introducing "the Ghetto Superstar who made it big on Big Brother 7 .... the Queen of Bling ... Aisleyne!"

Cut to Aisleyne at home. "I'm all about Glamour, Glitz and Bling", she announced, "I love diamonds"

We then saw Ash in a beauty salon as she confessed to her partiality to treatments, "Botox, eyebrow tattooin', manicures, pedicures ...", she said as she pulled her hair back to demonstrate her "Croydon Facelift" look.

She went on to describe her big spending on clothes. She explained, "If you want your dress to be showstopping you've got to show lots of leg or chest", which was duly confirmed with some paparazzi pictures from days past.

She revealed her love of leopard-print, which she explained by wondering "maybe I was a tiger in a past life". (No, we don't quite follow the logic there, either.)

She explained how she thanks God for make-up every morning, and maintained that she would "never ever ever ever ever" be seen out without make-up.

We saw Aisleyne out partying (at the More magazine event last December) with her friends, who maintained that without all the make-up and bling, she'd still look good, before Aisleyne concluded dogmatically, "I love fakery. If you can't do it fake it. I'm never never goin' to change". This was clearly going to be a major challenge for POD.

Jenny then had a brief interview with Ash in a pavement café before her encounter with POD. Ash confessed to feeling nervous, like a boxer going into the ring. She was particularly concerned about taking her eyelashes off. But she also had a warning "If POD gets cheeky I'll be cheeky back". Jenny then clicked her fingers and the makeunder was under way.

Aisleyne stood in semi-darkness, and was suddenly startled by lights and noise. "I am POD - Who are YOU?" said an imperious female voice.

"I'm Ashleeeen! You scared the life out of me!"

"You are pretty terrifying yourself." replied POD.

There then followed a discussion about fakery. Aisleyne stressed that "Inside I'm really real", but she confessed to having a lot of of external "fake stuff" like her make-up, hair, eyebrows and boobs.

"Do you still know yourself?", asked POD. "I do know myself. Do you know yourself, POD?" replied Aisleyne.

POD then showed a picture of a very young, "very real and very pretty" Aisleyne. "What happened to her, Aisleyne?" demanded POD, who went on with the challenge "Why do you wear all that slap?"

"Because it makes me LOOK BETTER! Are you stupid?" - This was definitely turning out as Jenny had predicted.

When asked what was wrong with natural beauty, Aisleyne replied "Nothing, but I don't have it". POD completely disagreed. Aisleyne was gratified, but unconvinced.

When Aisleyne revealed her chosen style icon was Mariah Carey, POD replied that "Scary Carey's" high C meant she was actually "screaming for a decent stylist" "That's rude!" said Aisleyne. "So is baring your breasts." said POD, displaying a censored version of a certain infamous picture from a certain night out at Funky Buddha.

POD then asked, "Why have you come for a makeunder?" "I want to challenge you and stretch you to your limits." Aisleyne replied.

POD then proceeded with the Public Analysis, asking Aisleyne to predict responses, then showing comments from a vox pop survey.The conclusion was that 65% of those interviewed thought "The lights are are on, but nobody's home", with comments such as "there's too much fake tan." Aisleyne was defiant. "I don't dress like a librarian, but what about Carole Vorderman?" "Hmmm." said POD.

Then the crunch question. Would they "Snog, Marry or Avoid" her? The clear Majority was "Avoid". "At all costs" added one misguided individual. "Whatever..." muttered Aisleyne.

POD's summary verdict was that Aisleyne was a "fake flashing leopard lady who really needs to change her spots", and that she needed to undergo POD's "Know Your Natural Self Makeunder"

Given some choices for eye make-up and celebrity style, Aisleyne selected smoky brown and Rihanna.

"Now it's time to remove all that slap - Run Phase 2 - Deep Cleanse" commanded POD.

Ash, now in a towelling robe, was then told to put on the matching turban, which she was unwilling to do. "What are you trying to do to me?" she complained. "Just put it on" said POD, curtly. "You're bein' mean to Aisleyne" replied the victim sulkily as she continued to resist removing her make-up, but to no avail as she got to work with the remover, Now, though, there were more positive comments from POD that she was "already beginning to look like a natural beauty"

It was now time to run Phase 3 - the Makeunder.

Before our eyes the camera trickery showed us a remarkable transformation, as the new fresh-faced Aisleyne was unveiled. A denim jacket, scarf, T-shirt, skinny black trousers and boots completed the new look. Aisleyne gave a delighted shriek as she saw her new self, then hitched her shoulders back to show that she was very impressed with POD's handiwork.

"I'm proper gobsmacked" cried Aisleyne, "I love the outfit, it's amazing - liking your style POD", she added.

"POD thinks you look beautiful." "Shush you", said Aisleyne, modestly, before admitting "I can't believe my face, I've got hardly any make-up on and I can actually bear to look at myself. This is exceedingly good."

Now it was time to sample public opinion again. And of course there was a succession of favourable comments. "She's marriage material - an awesome face". POD revealed that now 60% of men wanted to snog her - and the other 40% wanted to marry her!

POD then asked, "How do you feel about natural beauty now?" Ash replied, "I do genuinely think it looks better" and made a POD promise to be a "natural beauty" "Not gonna lie - say as I see. This is a good look for me" added Aisleyne, somewhat poetically. She then thanked POD, who judged the makeunder to be a complete success. We then saw Ash meet up with some friends who were suitably smitten with her new natural look.

At the end of the programme Jenny caught up with "the lovely Aisleyne" to see if she was still following the natural look, and was duly impressed with the "sexy girl" who came in to meet her. Ash described her experience as "amazing" and said that POD was "a genius". She confirmed that the extensions had gone. "POD has done amazing things for me, babes - I've stripped myself bare."

Aisleyne also told of a recent evening out when she had tried a vintage 40's look, and "a certain magazine" that usually hates her had said they loved her look. She was also pleased that "guys are telling me I look beautiful." She confirmed that her perceptions of natural beauty had changed.

When Jenny finally asked "Do you know yourself more now?" "I've always known myself, but I know myself with less makeup more now."

And Aisleyne's final message to POD? "I heart you POD", of course.

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