Aisleyne's Absolution

03 July 2009

This show is a 3-hour eclectic mixture of music, practical jokery and serious interviews; in other words just the kind of challenge that Aisleyne, no mean wind-up merchant herself, relishes.

At the start of the show, a few minutes before Aisleyne was due to arrive, Tim Shaw set out what would be happening during the programme, introduced BB9's Rex and "Greedy Mo" Mohamed who were already in the studio, and added that another ex-housemate, "someone called Eileen or something" (!) would be joining them shortly.

There was then a segment called "Bird of Prey" where Tim's sidekick Peta phoned another (married!) member of the team ("Police Rider") and attempted to lure him into a compromising commitment to meet her next day.

Around this time Aisleyne arrived and joined the others in the studio, as Tim introduced his next stunt, called "Tell them who I am". This was supposed to test just how famous the three ex-housemates actually were, by sending each of them into the street armed with a mobile phone which they were to hand over to passing members of the GBP (Great British Public) and say "tell them who I am". They would be accompanied by Tim's assistant, known as "Pants" (don't ask), who would ensure fair play. Best out of three tries to win.

Rex went first. Unfortunately nobody knew who he was.

Then it was Mo's turn. The second person asked knew him, though Aisleyne helpfully pointed out that this took place near Hamleys - where Mo works!

At this point the hapless "Police Rider" came into the studio. He initially got a "Meow" of greeting from Aisleyne, but when she heard about the telephone stunt she affected to be much less impressed. "Peta's a man teef!" she cried, and to Police Rider she said "I hate the sight of you! Bad bad bad!" The poor man remonstrated that he had just been stalling, but Aisleyne wouldn't let him off the hook. "No you were definitely up for it. Men never say yes or no". As we said, Aisleyne loves a wind-up.

Before Ash had her turn outside, Tim started to ask her about "Guns Gangs and Glamour". Aisleyne turned to Rex and, in a Sloaney accent, said "Rex, you don't know about all that in Kensington, do you? "Hampstead, actually" replied Rex.

Aisleyne stressed that the book wasn't about Big Brother, but her previous life and experiences - about punk lifestyle, religion, hostels, violence and her struggle to escape' She wasn't embarrassed about what was in the book, as she she wanted it to provide an object-lesson to young people who think they can't achieve something in their lives. As a 3-year-old she saw her dad dragged bleeding out of the bathroom. She wrote the book so that kids going through that sort of experience could read it and realise they can still rise above their circumstances and succeed.

"Right", said Tim breaking off from the interview, "Aisleyne's turn now. It's time to slap her on the street". Ash pretended to have misheard this as "slapper on the street" and to be deeply offended!

"How many do we think will know Aisleyne?", asked Tim. "She's pretty well known," replied Peta, "I say 2 or 3".

Aisleyne approached her first member of the public, but she had a surprise up her sleeve. "Who's Tim Shaw?" she asked. "Hey, that's cheating! cried Tim and commanded Pants to take over the phone.

Pants: "Do you know who this is?". "Aisleyne", came the reply from at least two - or was it three? - of the GBP. "Aisleyne wins!" declared Tim.

On her return to the studio, and after doing a rather wicked imitation of Rex, Aisleyne was questioned further about her book. She said it was selling well, but was more pleased to be hearing that people were saying that reading it and its message had inspired them.

Tim then began to fire more personal questions at Aisleyne, such as, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?", and "When did you last cry?" to which "when my great grandma died a few months ago."

Tim seemed determined to push Aisleyne to get to "the person" behind "the celeb". "You're brighter than you let on, aren't you?" he said, not to flatter her one sensed, but to seek to draw her out. "When you're with thick people you go down to their level, but I've been watching you in the studio and you raise your game or lower it to suit."

Aisleyne replied, "Yes, I'm a people person," and admitted, "Yes, I'm a social chameleon."

She went on to speak movingly of Marc who she called "the first love of my life" and who died tragically as described in the book.

Amidst further quickfire questions and answers Ash revealed that her biggest insecurity was her undereducation, though she did say that people do seek her out for advice. She spoke about her contrasting sexual nature in and out of relationships, and agreed with Tim's analysis of her that "only a few people really know the real person". "I'm not shallow," she insisted.

"I don't regret being on Big Brother and becoming a celebrity at all. It took me out of a bad place and I now have friends who I wouldn't have had before and who now accept me."

Tim finally asked "If you could go back in time, how would you advise yourself at 16?". Ash replied, "I'd say, you don't need to look for and rely on that strong man. You can achieve by yourself."

All too soon it was 1 am and, to everyone's regret, time to conclude this absorbing exchange and wrap up the show. No wonder Tim had been wanting to get Aisleyne as a guest for quite some time. One thing's for sure, he had known VERY well that her name was NOT "Eileen"!

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