Aisleyne's Dead Set on being a ZOMBIE!

04 November 2008

Ash's good friend Charlie Brooker has written and produced "Dead Set", a zombie horror series in five parts which recently appeared on e4 on consecutive nights leading up to Halloween. Charlie set the gore fest drama in the Big Brother house, and in a master-stroke included cameo performances by Davina McCall and some actual ex-housemates. Naturally, Aisleyne is prominently featured among these cameos, second only to Davina in screen time and impact.

During the early scene-setting action we are in the control-room with the production staff. It's eviction night, and the usual tension is heightened by disturbing reports of riots and violence across the nation. Amidst the drama a striking and familiar figure comes into view. Yes, it's Aisleyne, arriving to attend a special eviction night re-union of past housemates. She interacts with principal characters, runner Kelly (Jaime Winstone) and producer Patrick (Andy Nyman) who greets her by name and leers approvingly after her as she goes off with Kelly.

We next see Ash hugging Imogen as she joins the other ex-housemates (Helen, Bubble, Makosi, Eugene, Kinga, Ziggy and Brian Belo) in the reunion room.

For further authenticity an "eviction" was filmed on an actual BB9 eviction night. We see the eviction of "Pippa", who is wearing a strangely familiar black dress with a distinctive snake embellishment. Yes, she's wearing "Nakita" from the "Unique by Aisleyne" fashion range! Davina interviews Pippa, but things are steadily going from bad to worse as strange shadowy figures make violent attacks on the assembled crowds and production staff. Nobody seems to be immune from the slaughter and even Davina herself meets a horrible and bloody fate! The reunion room is invaded too - what has happened to Aisleyne......?

Only the remaining housemates are blissfully unaware of the carnage around them, until they are joined by Kelly - and a zombie! The next episodes follow their desperate plight, and that of Patrick and Pippa, who see off Zombie Davina and Zombie Brian as they battle their way to the BB house to join the others.

There is one scene set in a supermarket, where Kelly and housemate Marky are seeking food and medicines, when Marky spots a picture of himself on the cover of Heat magazine. The eagle-eyed will note that there is another familiar face at the top of that cover, with the headline "Aisleyne's UNICEF Role". We suspect that this was perhaps a little in-joke on Charlie Brooker's part, given that Heat has, let us say, rarely given Aisleyne a good press.

We must now fast-forward to the climactic final minutes of the action. The zombies have been let loose in the Big Brother compound. Patrick has been graphically disembowelled (we think we saw ex-housemate Saskia Howard-Clarke tucking in there). Housemate Space is in the control room looking for the missing Pippa. Suddenly a female zombie bursts in, who Space fends off. But another wild, snarling, blonde-haired zombie in a coral dress pounces on him and takes a fatal bite at his neck. Oh no, it's Zombie Aisleyne! Space slams the door on her, but his fate is now sealed.

The house is invaded, the remaining housemates attacked. We see a ghastly view of Zombie Aisleyne's bloodied back as she scrabbles on the door. Kelly is in the diary room. Space sees a zombified Pippa at the window, and right alongside her is the equally afflicted Aisleyne. Space and Kelly exchange fatalistic words as she declares him "the winner of this year's Big Brother", as we catch a final horrifying glimpse of zombies Ash and Pippa. Final shots imply that nobody has survived the Zombie Apocalypse.... No cop-out endings with Mr Brooker!

Thankfully, back in the real world, you can be assured that Aisleyne is alive and well!

"Dead Set" is available on DVD

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