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Senate Member
Posts: 794
| I was looking through a load of old files and came across this post I made defending Ais just after she returned from the HND and some were commenting how she hd suddenly changed and therefore was fake. I tried to not attack any of the other h/ms and the post was well received on DS, so I thought I would reproduce it here for everyone to read and hopefully like. It is long through, sorry:
"I would say in my opinion the fact that she is up and down actually suggests that it is really her. If you were acting you would be more consistent.
How many of us have a slightly different persona from our total real self to the one we project to others. Thats not saying acting, but we dont allow people in and create coping mechanisms. However in life when you say start to live with someone you start to become the real you.
As for Ash, I think if her background story is right, she rebelled at 16 and left home, maybe thinking it was glamorous as you said. She then got into a crowd (I have to say living in London I know quite a few white women like her) and just like when you live abroad you pick up the accent, she picked up that type of speak and "attitude". When she came into the house, she immediately showed this side of her as she has when dealing with people for the last 10 years. I started to like her when she stood up to Sezer who went out to intimidate her and ended up looking the one intimidated.
It continued over the weeks and I felt intrigued by this person who seemed such a contradictory. She seemed tarty (hope that you'll understand why I used that... not an attack on her) yet very honourable at the same time. She would feel for others and I immediately felt that she was a person who would be the best friend you could ever have, but at the same time if you were her enemy, or worse still her friend's enemy, it wouldnt be a nice place.
Personally I think Grace Dent from the Radio Times explains it better than I can when she said this in her blog:
"I didn't like Ash at all at first. I only quite like her now. She's the exact polar opposite of me in almost every way. I can't exactly envision us both on Mike Tyson's knee, en route to Chris Brosnan's gaff for a jacuzzi. Yet, over the last month, Ash has surprised me on several occasions. She didn't scream much or shout or chuck tantrums. She had a bizarre air of old-fashioned dignity about her, which is no mean feat when you're wearing only a strip of muslin, a metre of toupee tape and no knickers"
She is someone you think you wont like but do.
Then came her "eviction" week, not a great week, but we all have bad ones and yes she might have previously had a go at others because they shouldnt get worked out as its only a game, but other had said it as well and changed when their name was called (not attacking Nikki, but an example of that would be Nikki moaning about Lea taking it to seriously when she was up in the second week, yet Nikki found being up just as hard). Although I wouldnt blame it all on PMT, I dont think it helped her that week. She was wrong in how she dealt with things, no doubt, but not quite as bad as some felt she had been. She didnt bully anyone, but she was rude.
On the night of her eviction we suddenly saw something none of us in or out of the house, expected. This seemedly hard girl folded and was laid bare. This was her, the her that she had hidden for so long from others (and I don’t mean that about the house, I mean in her life). She suddenly became a little girl again who just wanted her daddy and thought her friends wouldnt be there, as they hated her now. As with so many people in life, what they show others is usually the opposite of their true self. By that I dont mean she was false or fake, but just like us all she had a coping mechanism and the hard girl was it. Whereas Nikki who had a terrible childhood became someone childlike to get the attention she needed (that again is no criticism, just what I believe is her way of coping with her parents splitting up at an early age), Ash went the other way and became a colder harder person who tried to show she didnt need anyone. We all do it (I'm incredibly shy and how do I deal with it? By being the noisiest person in my group. I have no control over it, it just happens.... I might be miserable, then I meet someone and suddenly I'm acting as if I havent got a care in the world). How many times do we hear that comedians are depressive people?
Anyway back to Ash, that night her floodgates opened, she went into the HND and rode a rollercoster of emotions, which finally ended with her having to nominate Jon to go. I believe she was real when she was upset, because, as she said to Pete later on, "If bad things to you, you have to deal with it, but tonight I had to ruin someone elses chance and he only wanted to make his mum proud". When she said the last bit, her emotions started up again and she quickly stopped. I think that was more of a case of relating to that fact to her own life.
Since then I dont believe she has ever totally got over that, but more importantly, her barriers had been broken. You cant go back to the persona if its been laid to rest. I believe what we are seeing now is the "real" Ash, the one she has suppressed for many years. Thats not to say she was fake before, but she had a front that protected her though her life.
The fact that her language seems to be reverting back to what would be considered "normal" is more to do with her surroundings, just as discussed before with changing accents.
She has been very analytical since early on, but more so since coming back, because she constantly worries about what people think. She came back knowing she had to build some bridges back and did so. Lea accepted this but it seems Nikki couldnt for whatever reason. Maybe you could say she wouldnt have bothered in the real world and that might be right, but the difference is they are stuck with people 24/7, even if you arent going to be the best of friends, its better to try and be close to it, for your own sanity. In the real world we can just say "S*d that" and never see the person again.
Yes she constantly questions herself and the way people see her, but I prefer that to someone who never questions themselves like Grace. When Grace heard the revolting chants that night she went into the DR and said that she couldnt understand why she got that response and Richard got so little. She refused to question her own actions instead choose to believe that the chanters were wrong and should have been chanting for Richard to get out. At no time did she question herself.
When Ash heard the chants on Friday, she immediately started to question what she had done and didnt try to justify it, but to see where she could improve. Some people feel that was someone faking to make the viewers like her, but I doubt that if you were that type, you question yourself like that. I believe she has done that all her life, and logically felt if they were booing her, what had she done wrong and how could see resolve it. Whilst it showed a lack of confidence it also shows us that she is deeply affected by things.
In summary I think what we are seeing now is the real Ash, the one she has hidden for the last 10 years as she dealt with the outside world. Having cracked on the night of her eviction she had allowed everyone into her real self and therefore couldnt go back.
Of course this is just my opinion (rather long winded I admit, but I thought I'd try and be as full as possible), but thats why I like her and dont think shes false"
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Executive Member
Posts: 1153
| "She had a bizarre air of old-fashioned dignity about her, which is no mean feat when you're wearing only a strip of muslin, a metre of toupee tape and no knickers"
Great line from Grace, and so true - it was the inner stuff about Ash that warmed me to her, not what she wore, whereas the opposite was true of so many "haters". | |
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Location: Holland | blimey thats long and posh!! lol ill have a read now lol thanks for that bradley | |
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Senate Member
Posts: 794
| sophie - 11/8/2007 22:50
blimey thats long and posh!! lol ill have a read now lol thanks for that bradley
posh????? you mean some big words..... lol  | |
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Location: Holland | yeh lol its takin me ages to read lol..but i am greatful for you posting it..thanks again:D:D | |
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A post I made last year